R.I.P Motivation

Where has my motivation gone? Because there is none here. I dread each and everyday. Who am I? I am not a dreadful person. Well, I hope I am not.
I’m the kind of person that will mask my emotions and get lost in the mask. I convince myself I am fine. I guess you can call that “bottling emotions” or whatever.
2014 was one of the BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. I accomplished so much. I am proud of myself.
2015.. what is in store for me? I haven’t set any goals so far.. which seems weird because I set goals all of the time.
The first semester of college, I was so motivated. I was ready to face the world. The world was in the palm of my hands. I was working on my fitness (I am not a thin girl.) I was getting my homework done, I was going to work, and I was having a social life. I had time for everything. Everything was exactly how I wanted it to be.
Now, I have no purpose. If you ask me why I am in college, I’ll give you the real reason. I’ll give you the smart answer.. it doesn’t mean that I feel that way though…
I’ve fallen behind on school work so much that I don’t see a reason why I should even do the damn work. I don’t see a reason to attend classes because I know I will be lost.. work has consumed me and keeps consuming me. I am tired of work. I am tired of so much responsibilities on me. Why? Why do I have to do everything and look great? Why can’t I mess up mom? She doesn’t say it but she expresses it. Funny how work consumes me because before I started college my mom (boss) told me, “I want you to focus on school. School first and then work” but when I have ton of homework, mom says, “YOU HAVE TO COME TO WORK! IT’S SO BUSY! YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME ALONE. THERE’S NO ONE TO HELP ME. COME NOW!” HOW? HOW IN THE WORLD CAN I GET MY WORK DONE WHEN SHE TELLS ME THAT? THOSE WORDS ARE SO MUCH PRESSURE TO ME. Now I have to handle school and work when I was promised I only had to handle school.. maybe I’m being a cry baby.. Maybe I’m lucky to have a job and I’m just being a brat.. call me whatever you want but I don’t work well under pressure.. I just feel so overwhelmed and I just want to scream/cry my heart out…