Chosen one

I feel like I am the chosen one.
I feel like I am the one who is going to bring greatness to the family.
I feel like I need to accomplish everything.
I feel like everyone leans on me.
I feel like everyone thinks I’m the strong one.
I feel like I will be the example.
I feel like I have to make everyone happy.
I feel like I have to be the bigger person.. in everything.
But… I don’t want anyone to lean on me.
It’s hard to ONLY BE the strong one.
It’s hard to make everyone happy.. and frankly, I don’t want to make anyone happy unless it’s MYSELF.

I want to let loose and have fun. I don’t want all this responsibility. I keep running away from it but it keeps chasing me down and tackling me.
I’ve never known freedom. I envy those who have fun and get to find themselves in their mistakes. I have no room for mistakes.. it has been made clear from the start. I don’t want to be an uptight person but I feel that person growing and I feel myself getting lost in work and school. Then anxiety creeps up on me.. who am I? What do I want for myself? Because as of now, everything I’m doing isn’t to make myself happy. It is molding me into a great person, but these were never MY PLANS. Who am I? The chosen one?